CREW
The people who slaved to bring you Tanked Up Magazine... |
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After this long winter, that has definitely
proven to be the coldest in her living
memory – well, the London bit of her life
anyway, Juliet has taken the decision that she
should be getting her dust covered dive
kit out of the tangled mess of cobwebs in
the shed and maybe considering giving
it a soaking. Sadly, herself, having only just
defrosted after this winter, she has now
been immoratalised like some ancient
Pompeian and is worried that there isn't a
big enough lift bag if she gets stuck to the
sea bed (best speak to Alex from Diving
Leisure).
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Rob won his primary school slow-bicycle
race in 1985, eclipsing his second-place
achievement in the long jump the
previous year.
He overcame the disappointment of
not receiving a certificate for either
performance by finishing not far behind
the disabled kid in the 1986 long-distance
running event, and refusing to take part
in PE for fear it would disrupt his smoking
training, a mere five years later.
Nowadays, Rob hardly ever mentions the
certificates. Which he didn't receive.
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Andy's passion for chefery is matched
only by his reckless disregard for the
environment. If there were a petition
to world leaders to speed up climate
change whilst destroying all marine
ecosystems, Andy would immediately
take time out from pouring crude oil and
greenhouse gases into the ocean in
order to ensure his was the first signature
on it. Andy owns the Tante Marie School
of Cookery with Gordon Ramsay and
Lyndy Redding, one of whom taught him
swearing.
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Kay Svoronos was a cartoonist for Disney
(Walt, not Dave) before being abducted
by Tyson who used her for nefarious,
inhuman (and inpiscine) purposes.
Mainly the chronicling of his exploits
that the world might be party to his
infamy. Some regard him as being akin
to Richard III in his devotion to evil, others
merely consider him a chav. Revisionists
have claimed that Kay is actually the
secret cause of this delinquency, but they
generally recant after a headbutt.
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Many people believe that diving
and dentistry are subjects best kept
separate, but nothing could be further
from the truth. Well, some things could
be. Like if you were to say the molecular
composition of air is mechanically-sorted
Brighton. Anyway, in Fulham, the
concepts of subaquatia and enamel
coated protuberances from human jaws
are regularly combined in the clinic of a
certain singing South African. Just don't
ask her to fin pivot at the same time. It
could hurt.
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When the technology is developed to
take mankind to the oceans of methane
that lie on Saturn's largest moon, Titan,
Paul Toomer will be the one teaching
people how to dive in them. And if it
transpires that caves lie beneath the
surface of those hydrocarbon seas, it will
be mere minutes before their entrances
are littered with lines from Paul's myriad
reels. The -180°C surface temperature
won't be a problem either because his
drysuit has a heated undershirt.
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